Monday, February 8, 2010

My Apologies to Miley Cyrus

Here it is.  This is a Mile-by-Mile race report of my first half marathon.  I figured it would be best to share the thoughts I had along the way... that way you get to see the real me.  The real me that comes out while I run.

Mile 0-1:  Ugh!  My legs are tired.  Don't think about it... they'll perk up soon.
Mile 1-3:  OK... my legs feel pretty good.  My foot feels pretty good.  I'm feeling pretty good.  I can do this!  No problem.
Mile 3-4:  I'm maintaining  pretty good pace (about 13:30/mile... which for me is a nice, easy, long-term pace).  I kind of have to use the restroom.  I'll stop at the next port 'a potty.
Mile 4:  There are the port 'a potties.  Good timing since they are right at the bottom of the hill.  That will give me a chance to breathe before I head up the hill.
Port 'a Potty Break:  Don't touch anything... don't touch anything...
Mile 4-5:  Oh, man!  My legs feel like lead going up this hill.  I'll walk it and run down the other side.
The Other Side:  OK... I'm going down hill.  Literally and figuratively.  Why isn't this getting easier?
Mile 5-6:  Ouch.  Now my foot is starting to hurt. 
Mile 6-7:  Is that the turn-around?  I think it is.  Now my feet feel sort of numb.  What is up with that?!  And look how swollen my hands are!  Man hands!  I think I see the turn-around.  I'll start running again at the turn-around.  Dang!  Where is that turn around?  Why does it seem to move away from me?  I just want to get to that turn-around so I can really pick up my pace again.  It's pretty much all down-hill from there.  It'll be easy!
The Turn-Around:  FINALLY!  I'm going to take a quick stretching break and then I'm flying to the finish!  And I'm off!  Wait a minute.  This isn't easy.  Maybe I need a little inspiration... let me click back to that Melissa Etheridge song, "I Run for Life".  There it is... that will do it.  Or not.
Mile 8:  I'm going to run one song and walk the next.  Then I'll blog about how fun and helpful that was.  Ahhh... "Say, Hey" by Michael Franti.  Perfect song for running!  Say hey, this song is longer than I remember.  Oh, good.  It's over.  Time to walk.
Mile 9:  New song-- time to run.  "The Climb"... how appropriate.  I can do this.  Ain't about how fast I get there... well, that's good 'cause I ain't getting there any time soon!  Ain't about what's waiting on the other side... but I really want my surfboard medal.  It's the climb... shut up you little &%$@$!  What do you know about climbing?  I don't care how Achy-Breaky Heart-ed your daddy was... you know nothing!
Mile 9-13:  That's it.  I'm done.  I am walking the rest of the way or I am going to end up in the ER tonight getting X-rays on my foot.  Why am I so disappointed?  I knew in my head it was going to be like this.  After all, I haven't been able to train for this race.  The longest I've run since last May was 5 miles... and I did pretty well up until about four miles.  But, I  *SO* want to do a race where I can really feel like I did well.  This is like the Rock 'n' Roll Marathon... I'll finish but barely.  At least my next half will (hopefully) be a certain personal best.  What if it's not?  I may never run again.   Why do I do this?  Maybe I should give up on running.  OK, Sara, don't think like that. 
Mile 13:  I'll start running now.  Nobody walks across the finish line.  Hmmmm... that's interesting.  Nobody walks across the finish line... there's got to be some deeper life meaning hidden in there somewhere.  I'll have to figure it out later,  I see the finish.  And look there's Guitar Hero... and he's taking pictures.  Dear God, please don't let him take a picture of my butt.  I hate looking at myself from behind.  Just smile and wave, Sara, smile and wave.
The Finish:  FINALLY!  Shut up announcer dude.  Smile for the camera... look happy.  Good, now I can stop running.  I feel like I'm going to puke.  Thanks for the medal, volunteer girl.  No, please, NO MORE Vitalyte!  If I drink another drop  of Vitalyte, I'm going to see all the Vitalyte consumed along the route again.  What ARE those metallic covers for, anyway?  I'm hot!  I don't want anything on me!  What would happen if I pass out right now?  I guess that would mean no beer garden for me!  Eh, beer doesn't sound good right now, anyway. 
Post Finish:  Ahhhh.. there's Guitar Hero.  He found me and he is congratulating me.  For what?  I just want a big, juicy hamburger.  Smile for the post-race medal pictures.  Hamburger.  I want a hamburger.  Somebody get me a hamburger!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,.......................,,,,  Oops.  Feel asleep.

I am so tired today!  And sore.  I need to get to bed.

I got my hamburger, by the way.

Thanks for reading!  I hope you didn't fall asleep, too!

27 comments:

Michelle said...

Hilarious (I talk to myself exactly like this, too)! Congratulations on your finish! I'm proud of you for going ahead with it despite the injury (b/c I prob wouldn't). Awesome medal!

Hope the foot feels better soon!

Melanie Tait (Mel Tries to Run) said...

Sara - well done!!!!!!!! You're so funny. I loved reading that report and am in massive awe of you. Well done well done well done!!

Now instruct that foot to sort itself out please :)

Bethany + Ryan said...

wow i feel like i was there! great re-cap. sorry it wasn't as enjoyable as you had hoped, or maybe it was what you expected? take some serious time off for your foot. what is the matter with your foot again? is it still your heel? or something different?

ajh said...

I talked to myself my race last weekend about what I was going to blog too. Sorry it wasn't a better experience overall. What is wrong with your foot? Congratulations on finishing.

Julie said...

Hi Sara,
Your race report is pretty funny and I very much enjoyed it:) "Don't touch anything...don't touch anything!" I do the same thing..too funny:) It is kind of entertaining the random thoughts that come into our heads during a race! Way to go!! Congrats, and you got your medal...Woo hoo!! Have a great day Sara:)

Teamarcia said...

Congrats again! You are hilarious!

Sarah said...

Congrats!! I loved reading your race report. Hope you enjoyed your burger!

Beckie said...

Congrats Sara!! We are all proud of you!! Running is such a mind game, isn't it? I self talk during running too, it can be so dangerous if i'm not feeling good and just want to stop. Glad you persevered! Hope you aren't too sore today.

Libby said...

Those thoughts sound exactly like they are coming from my head. Even though the race didn't go as well as you wanted you stuck it out and finished :) I hope your foot gets better!

Heather @ Side of Sneakers said...

haha I loved this post. I always think random things but then I can never remember what I was thinking when I'm done running!

shellyrm aka jogging stroller mama said...

Wonderful recap. I wish the race had been wonderful for you. The re-telling was so funny. "Don't touch anything. Dont' touch anything!" I'm still laughing!

Praying your foot heals quickly!

April said...

So funny!! Great race recap. You have a great memory!
Congrats on finishing!
Hope your foot is feeling better. My hands swell sometimes on long runs too, I already have man hands though so hubby calls me banana hands!

Anne said...

It's amazing sometimes that we make it to the end with all that internal dialog. Glad you and your mind got the job done, with help from your legs and feet. And who doesn't want to celebrate with an In-n-Out burger...I hope you got the fries too.

Anonymous said...

LOL Man hands! Isn't that the truth...and if you could see your feet, they'd be man feet too! Sounds like a tough run, but you did it. **applause** (This is Susan BTW but I don't have a google ID)

Anna said...

Congrats on your finish! What's up with your foot (forgive me if I should know this, I'm a fairly new follower and am also just catching up today on blogs!).

When my husband was trying to propose to me, I kept talking about how I wanted a cheeseburger. I had no idea what was going on! Glad other people crave red meat too!

Morgan said...

LOL! This post cracked me up! Way to recapture it! Congrats for making it through alive! :)

Irene said...

Oh, a burger sounds good right now! Congratulations! You put in the miles and got that hardware to show for it!

MCM Mama said...

Glad you survived! I'm impressed you remembered what you thought during the race. Crossing the finish line seems to wipe my brain clean LOL.

Glenn Jones said...

Ha ha! Great race report Sara! Sounds a lot like the conversation I had with myself on Sunday. That's the problem with a Half Marathon. You can't cheat. 5 and 10Ks you can fake your way through. I always realize about mile 7 that 13.1 miles is pretty far!

Way to go! Great finish. Great post race meal!

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X-Country2 said...

Hahaha. I love race reports like that. Awesome.

On The Road... said...

Congrats on finishing. I loved the report. I laughed through the whole post.

Molly said...

I had a big, fat, bacon cheeseburger after my first half marathon too!!

funny recap!

H Love said...

you finished! you were out there trying and giving it your all.
How's your foot?? I would love to hear more about your marathon??

Patrick said...

Hey Sara!!!

great job!!!! I know it's frustrating when you can't run the whole way-- but given the amount of pain you were in, I think you did INCREDIBLE!!!

I also LOVE that you keep your sense of humor about it all

Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

Oh my gosh you CRACK me up!! Sounds totally painful, and I LOVE that you cursed Miley Cyrus while on the run.. LMAO

"Nobody walks across the finish line" wow, I never thought about that..

Congrats on getting your medal!!!

Tracey Kite said...

Great job, and I LOVED your race report.