My Apologies to Miley Cyrus

Here it is.  This is a Mile-by-Mile race report of my first half marathon.  I figured it would be best to share the thoughts I had along the way... that way you get to see the real me.  The real me that comes out while I run.

Mile 0-1:  Ugh!  My legs are tired.  Don't think about it... they'll perk up soon.

Mile 1-3:  OK... my legs feel pretty good.  My foot feels pretty good.  I'm feeling pretty good.  I can do this!  No problem.

Mile 3-4:  I'm maintaining  pretty good pace (about 13:30/mile... which for me is a nice, easy, long-term pace).  I kind of have to use the restroom.  I'll stop at the next port 'a potty.

Mile 4:  There are the port 'a potties.  Good timing since they are right at the bottom of the hill.  That will give me a chance to breathe before I head up the hill.

Port 'a Potty Break:  Don't touch anything... don't touch anything...

Mile 4-5:  Oh, man!  My legs feel like lead going up this hill.  I'll walk it and run down the other side.

The Other Side:  OK... I'm going down hill.  Literally and figuratively.  Why isn't this getting easier?
Mile 5-6:  Ouch.  Now my foot is starting to hurt. 
Mile 6-7:  Is that the turn-around?  I think it is.  Now my feet feel sort of numb.  What is up with that?!  And look how swollen my hands are!  Man hands!  I think I see the turn-around.  I'll start running again at the turn-around.  Dang!  Where is that turn around?  Why does it seem to move away from me?  I just want to get to that turn-around so I can really pick up my pace again.  It's pretty much all down-hill from there.  It'll be easy!

The Turn-Around:  FINALLY!  I'm going to take a quick stretching break and then I'm flying to the finish!  And I'm off!  Wait a minute.  This isn't easy.  Maybe I need a little inspiration... let me click back to that Melissa Etheridge song, "I Run for Life".  There it is... that will do it.  Or not.

Mile 8:  I'm going to run one song and walk the next.  Then I'll blog about how fun and helpful that was.  Ahhh... "Say, Hey" by Michael Franti.  Perfect song for running!  Say hey, this song is longer than I remember.  Oh, good.  It's over.  Time to walk.

Mile 9:  New song-- time to run.  "The Climb"... how appropriate.  I can do this.  Ain't about how fast I get there... well, that's good 'cause I ain't getting there any time soon!  Ain't about what's waiting on the other side... but I really want my surfboard medal.  It's the climb... shut up you little &%$@$!  What do you know about climbing?  I don't care how Achy-Breaky Heart-ed your daddy was... you know nothing!

Mile 9-13:  That's it.  I'm done.  I am walking the rest of the way or I am going to end up in the ER tonight getting X-rays on my foot.  Why am I so disappointed?  I knew in my head it was going to be like this.  After all, I haven't been able to train for this race.  The longest I've run since last May was 5 miles... and I did pretty well up until about four miles.  But, I  *SO* want to do a race where I can really feel like I did well.  This is like the Rock 'n' Roll Marathon... I'll finish but barely.  At least my next half will (hopefully) be a certain personal best.  What if it's not?  I may never run again.   Why do I do this?  Maybe I should give up on running.  OK, Sara, don't think like that. 
Mile 13:  I'll start running now.  Nobody walks across the finish line.  Hmmmm... that's interesting.  Nobody walks across the finish line... there's got to be some deeper life meaning hidden in there somewhere.  I'll have to figure it out later,  I see the finish.  And look there's Guitar Hero... and he's taking pictures.  Dear God, please don't let him take a picture of my butt.  I hate looking at myself from behind.  Just smile and wave, Sara, smile and wave.
The Finish:  FINALLY!  Shut up announcer dude.  Smile for the camera... look happy.  Good, now I can stop running.  I feel like I'm going to puke.  Thanks for the medal, volunteer girl.  No, please, NO MORE Vitalyte!  If I drink another drop  of Vitalyte, I'm going to see all the Vitalyte consumed along the route again.  What ARE those metallic covers for, anyway?  I'm hot!  I don't want anything on me!  What would happen if I pass out right now?  I guess that would mean no beer garden for me!  Eh, beer doesn't sound good right now, anyway. 
Post Finish:  Ahhhh.. there's Guitar Hero.  He found me and he is congratulating me.  For what?  I just want a big, juicy hamburger.  Smile for the post-race medal pictures.  Hamburger.  I want a hamburger.  Somebody get me a hamburger!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,.......................,,,,  Oops.  Feel asleep.

I am so tired today!  And sore.  I need to get to bed.

I got my hamburger, by the way.

Thanks for reading!  I hope you didn't fall asleep, too!